It wasn’t supposed to be this way.
Sitting alone in the car, waiting for my phone to ring so I can mask up and walk into the office alone. No excitement. No nervous chatter with my husband. Just silence, and hand sanitizer, and temperature checks. No waiting room to rest in. No happy pregnancy magazines to flip through or nurseries to daydream about.
Just me, a global pandemic, and my OB’s office.
I walk in alone. My temperature is checked. I answer the questions. And then I’m sent back to my car to wait alone, again. Just me and my thoughts. As I wait, my mind inevitably flows to “those thoughts.” You know, the thoughts where just about everything goes wrong and you’re all alone to deal with it. “What if there’s no heartbeat?” “What if there is?” “I’ll have to be pregnant during a pandemic!” “What does that mean for work?” “Will I be able to work?” I have so many unanswered questions, and yet no one around to provide reassurance or stop my crazy thoughts.
This time was supposed to be different.
Our first pregnancy was a whirlwind of everything new and scary. This pregnancy was supposed to be calm and exciting. This pregnancy was supposed to happen with my husband beside me. And yet, here I am waiting alone in the car. Lightyears away from what I imagined.
Covid-19 has literally changed our lives. The pandemic has taken our special intimate moments and turned them into something unrecognizable.
But I guess that’s life. It’s scary, it’s unpredictable, and it’s real.
I know everything will be fine, but for now, I’ll just have to wait to see that heartbeat.
